Majority of us have been there, brokenhearted ending up with someone who doesn’t want you the same way you want them. And if you’re not careful, you could end up losing yourself completely and trying to keep that relationship going.
And sometimes it can get so bad that whoever you’re in a relationship with begins to treat you poorly. All sorts of abuses start to spring up from physical abuse to financial and economic abuse, to emotional abuse are all of the costs and sometimes, up until that very moment, you decide to just relieve that toxic relationship.
There’s not much anyone can say to get you out of that situation because you always seem to be hopeful and you think that things are just going to work out. If you stick it out. And if you stay for as long as you can hold on, for as long as you can, but that doesn’t always happen. And then you hit a point where you just need to move on, from someone that you love someone that you really, really really care about. When the love becomes unrequited.
Here are couple of steps that you can go through to jump-start your process towards healing. And to really guide and direct you on how you can reinvent and re mold yourself to become a better person that you will be proud of one day someone who will be capable of loving again and drinking as deeply as you did before. Without being affected by the heartbreak that you’ve just experienced.
1. Critically Think About How The Relationship You’Re In Is Impacting You.
Take a good look at this relationship that you’re leaving behind. Think about how it has impacted you emotionally, financially, spiritually, personally as a human how it’s affected your relationships, perhaps even isolated you from the people that really love you, friends and family and ask yourself if it was really worth that sacrifice when you really begin to see how ugly that relationship was for you and how toxic it was for your mental health.
You would realise that it is indeed a good step that you’re stepping away from such toxicity and finding peace in this new space and new environment. I know the feeling most people feel like they cannot live without this person that they’ve loved.
But that is a lie. You’re totally capable of doing that. It will hurt for a week for a month for years. But one day you’re going to be able to look back at this person look back at the relationship you shared and realise that they actually did you a favour by leaving .
2.Cut All Communication.
Once you realise just how toxic that relationship was for you. The next thing to do is to cut all communication. It is important to do so because you need to give your mind and your soul time to breathe time to get away from it all time to heal.
If you’re constantly in this person’s space, constantly trying to reach out to them and they’re ignoring you constantly looking at their posts on social media and how happy they are.
They’ve moved on with other people constantly trying ,to remind yourself of the pain that you felt when they left you. You’re going to have major issues in healing to be able to heal properly. To be able to come back from heartbreak and betrayal. You’re going to have to cut communication now if you have children, it makes it more complicated.
But you’re going to have to find a fine way to still stay in touch with the kids especially if your partner kept the children and if they will still allow you to and maintain a civil platonic relationship with his partner you just left.
Kids make it complicated. But if you have no children, then it’s easier for you to just cut communication and walk away if you have to delete their number do so if you have to block them on WhatsApp and on social media do so. Anything you need to do to cut ties cut communication, so you can give your heart and mind time to rest. You should do it missed, you should do it.
3.Focus On Yourself.
You’ve thought about the relationship that you just left, You’ve cut all communication. Now it’s time to focus on you. You are beautiful, handsome and wonderfully made. Never feel that you cannot make it without another human being because you can ,just have to decide where you want to go next. How you’re going to get there. What you need to do to get there.
These are the three things you need to do to move on. Focus on yourself. Re establish all the old relationships that used to make you happy with friends, with family, with all the people that you’re not allowed to see or talk to start to think about how you can improve who you are. How you can become a better version of yourself, how you can start to make your mental mountains move because a lot of the limitations that we feel is mental.
We’re limited by our own fears.
We always feel we’re incapable but once you begin to realize that it’s totally possible to break free from the chains, all the things that hold you back, you cannot imagine what to focus on you. Think about the next steps. Where do you go from here? Where do you want to be in the next year? In two years? In three years? How are you going to get there? What do you need to do? What new skills what new things do you need to learn to get to that position? That’s the kind of mindset I want you to have.
4. Distract Yourself.
While you focus on yourself. It can also be hard to just remain in your quiet space and sometimes when you’re alone with your thoughts, they wander. They’ll wander back to this person that just left you to this person that you loved and did not love you back or no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. So another way to do it is to find something that distracts you can be anything from old hobbies to picking up new hobbies, you know, you can find a book to read, you can make new friends, you can engage in so many extracurricular activities.
That distraction will help you keep your mind off all those negative thoughts that keep coming back to you to let you feel like you are absolutely incapable without this person, find a good distraction, whatever your distraction may be, and engross yourself in that activity.
5. Dont Force A Relationship With Someone Who Broke Your Heart.
There are too many people who try to force relationships or friendships with people who broke their heart. Personally, if you broke my heart, I cannot be a friend. At least not immediately.
You need to be able to disconnect Do not force a friendship because sometimes when these people leave you, they will offer you friendship in return. Here’s the question I ask if I’m not good enough to be the love of your life. Why do you need me to be a friend? I’ll take my friendship away. I will completely disconnect from you.
And I personally will never give you my friendship as a consolation prize. I will never do that. At least not immediately. Over time and as you heal and over the years, once you get over this person, you can come back to the table and grow a friendship that is civil, but do not push for friendship. Do not settle if they offer you friendship, because it’s only going to let your pain last longer. You’re going to watch the love other people when all along you’ll be wishing that you were there. Not good for your heart. Not good for your mind.
6. Re purpose and Rebuild
We are going to be left with a lot of love and I could tell you this that there are lots of people in the world today who need your love. Need as what I said not just want need and so do not go where you are tolerated. Go away is celebrated you have a lot of love to give. And there are lots of avenues to show that love.
Re-purpose the pain you feel in your heart and let it become joy. Re-purpose the pain you feel in your heart and let it turn into contentment. Refocus on the things in life that truly matter. Give yourself time to heal and then rebuild your life. One brick after the other. It’s completely possible. It’s okay to start again.
There are people who were in their 40s that started again 50s That started again, 60s that started again. I know 70 year old who have turned their lives around rebuild your broken friendships, rebuild your confidence, rebuild your inner self become a better version of you because it’s completely possible read books that you’ve never thought you would gain inspiration from other people who are doing better than you join communities of people who’ve been down your road share your story for other people to hear and learn from you can completely turn this experience around to your benefit. Do not take that for granted.
There is a reason you went through what you went through. You may not see it now. But trust me, X number of years down the line. You’ll be looking back at yourself and say wow I needed to go through this to enable myself grow, because if that didn’t happen, I would be stuck settling in a relationship which was one sided.
And finally, if all these do not work, please seek professional counsel. See a therapist. There are lots of people out there who can offer you professional advice. couple of sessions a week should get you on the road to really rebuilding your life and finding love again.
I wish you the best of luck.